Grandmother Beth's Journal Writings
Growing Older & Counting Blessings
It is late. I am sitting at my computer ... experimenting with different programs. A little while with PhotoPaint, then Photo Draw ... then, with this wonder ... "Front Page." Just typing my journal in this program - automatically sets each page up in html language. By using this program ... instead of the word-processor .... if I ever get the wild notion to have a web-site of selected journal entries ... the major work has already been done.
Bill is asleep. He is growing older each day ... seemingly before my eyes. Yet, I believe he is happy. He grows more dear to me as times go by. Sometimes it really hurts to see him weaken - his gait loosing its jaunt - his back not straightening as it did just last year. We share so much together. Through the 100 channels of TV - beamed in by the 18 inch satellite mounted on our back porch ... the world comes into our little front room. Discussions ... on every subject in the news keeps us in tune with the world so far away from our peaceful small town existence. He also has his beloved sports. Fall is special to him ... with all the football.
While the ballgames dominate the living room - I retreat to my bedroom, pile up on the old high mattress antique bedstead, stack the pillows behind me and journey away into the books which are regularly supplied to me by the local library. And, ...of course, I have my computer. This wizard unfurls its magic carpet and pulls my mind up and away to explore any subject that suits my fancy or interest. New discoveries every time I connect up to the internet - I loose all sense of time - and only the prickling from the lack of circulation in my ankles and feet forces me to acknowledge - it would be best to shut my computer off - and move around a bit to stir up my blood. I save all the photographs that intrigue me so ... as well as any text on a multitude of subjects .... I must confess - I am delighted with the assurance - that once I click on that "save" button ... the "saved" treasure is mine.
So you see ... we have the best of it all. We struggle no longer under the stress that harnessed our younger years while making a living for our families. Quiet, trees & flowers, music, puppy dogs & kittens, good meals, clean & work around the house a bit when we "want to" - sleep as long as we wish in the mornings, take a nap whenever we're way... or, stay up as late as we want (as I am doing now to write this little page).
I am thankful. Yes ... my Lord ... I thank You ... for the perfect peace of my life. I thank You for the assurance that You hold my soul near to Your heart - and the precious anticipation that someday I shall kneel before You ... lift my eyes to see Your Holy face ... and hear You bid me welcome to the joys that You have prepared for me. Let me live each hour ... each day ... with the thoughts of my mind ... the words of my mouth and the intents of my heart ... "pleasing in Your sight" my Lord.
I really miss the children today. Some days it seems too much - I can hardly bear - being away from them. I often picture them ... from California ... down to Texas ... then north to Missouri & Ohio ... then around the globe to Korea: pulling their faces from my memory & study, like a photograph to my mind's eye; often re-creating treasured scenes from our family experiences ... retrieving the setting, the story and the time ... to re-live that hour again. The question just spun around me ... "I wonder how each one of them remember that time, and what picture they see in their memory bank?" Interesting ...
I pray for each one of them now - while I type this page. Committing each one of them, by name, into the care of God ... for now and all of eternity ... trusting in the love and mercy of God to keep His Hand upon their lives and speak with His Spirit to their hearts and souls.
Written while living in Stigler, Oklahoma 1995-1998